Going Gray

This is a question that comes up a lot.  The large number of us that are gay and growing older learn to deal with aging and all the emotional and physical adjustments that happen.  We try to do this with dignity and grace.  With all the steps forward recently it sometimes seems like these are things left for the younger generation to enjoy, which can leave some of us feeling invisible.   We always think of the things we have been through and use that as admonishment to a younger group that doesn’t have any idea of a time when you could be imprisoned for celebrating who you were or a time free of a devastating disease.

We as Gay Men growing older need to realize that we have survived a  terrible plague that still destroys our community and we can be thankful for the wonderful opportunities ahead of us.

I have always been attracted to older men and now as I myself have moved into the Daddy phase I have to remind myself of that when a hot young cub tries to put the moves on me. I have noticed though that my attraction is starting to move in the other direction as well. In my twenties, I preferred men in their 40s and 50s, then in my 30s that extended to men in their 60s but now that I am in my 40s, I prefer men in their 30s to 50s.  There are of course exceptions to that rule, I have found men above that age range and some below it that I are very physically attractive that carry themselves in a mature manner.

I really enjoy Wise Wednesdays at the spa for this reason. It specifically targets men 40 and over and those that like them.  You will find guys there even up to 70s and guys that really get into an older man. Pun intended.  It is also a good reminder to the younger crowd that try as we might, we all will get older.

As Paul Boynton wrote,  “Together as gay men, we can create a new blueprint for growing older. One that embraces the journey as a privilege & gift.”

There is quite a number of websites and blogs out there that relish in the sexiness that is the older male, even Hollywood recognizes aging actors.  That distinguished male sexiness that can be found in salt-and-pepper hair and a creased face.

I feel older men are more sophisticated or mature and have more to teach and show their partners. I also believed I matured at a much younger age and the sexual experiences I was exposed to at an early age led to my attraction to older men. It definitely was a Daddy complex.  I have several younger friends that have told me they have a granddaddy fetish.  They prefer men at least 30-40 years older.  One thing I have noticed in the US is that we tend to assume that when a young guy is with an older male, he is there simply as a toy or to be taken care of. That is true for some but quite a few that I know just prefer older men and want to be independent. They are just sexually attracted to older men like some are attracted to thin guys, chubby guys, blondes, red heads, Latin guys, black guys, clean shaven or hairy.

We all should be able to celebrate what turns us on and be respectful to others when we don’t fit into their idea of sexy.  No one likes to be rejected but we need to realize that just like we are not attracted to everyone, we do not attract everyone.  That is the good thing about spas, if you have a particular taste, then there is usually a time those taste can be found at the spa.  Also, if you are at the spa on a particular day and a guy you find attractive doesn’t return those feelings, move on, there are plenty of others there. Just don’t be rude about it.

 

Chat more later,

Daddy

Chris Reynolds is a 25 year resident of Sin City.Besides being involved in the leather community, Emperor XI and Mr NGRA 2011, he has over 20 years experience as a Disease Investigation Intervention Specialist.